


the one person who makes me feel like i can take a fucking breath ( i can't have without completely destroying you )

by kuviraapologist



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, anne and jerry are siblings, anyways moving on, best friend sister type thing, diana is mentioned, edge of seventeen inspired, gilbert and jerry are best friends, gilbert calls jerry his soulmate and i luv them, shirbert endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:29:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21902275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuviraapologist/pseuds/kuviraapologist
Summary: IF THERE WAS ONE thing you needed to know about the cuthbert-baynard family, it was that the two and only children did not get along. and it wasn't the 'not getting along' like constantly arguing, no, they just didn't speak. it was like they absolutely hated each other and no one quite knew why. especially gilbert blythe, who had been best friends with jerry since before he could remember. it's always just been the two of them, until jerry's father remarried, moving them three streets down in a rather large house.
Relationships: Diana Barry & Jerry Baynard, Diana Barry/Jerry Baynard, Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Jerry Baynard & Gilbert Blythe
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63





	the one person who makes me feel like i can take a fucking breath ( i can't have without completely destroying you )

**Author's Note:**

> this is inspired by the edge of seventeen and the fic 'me or him' by theobligatedklutz who’s fic is so much better than mine so go read it,, also it made me cry so

IF THERE WAS ONE thing you needed to know about the cuthbert-baynard family, it was that the two and only children did not get along. and it wasn't the 'not getting along' like constantly arguing, no, they just didn't speak. it was like they absolutely hated each other and no one quite knew why. especially gilbert blythe, who had been best friends with jerry since before he could remember. it's always just been the two of them, until jerry's father remarried, moving them three streets down in a rather large house. 

after that it was three of them, gilbert, jerry, and anne. anne with an e. gilbert, only being in 3rd grade at the time of meeting her, was instantly intrigued. the way she talked so passionately about things she loved, using big words that he himself hadn't even know yet, and just loving everything made him want to get to know her. and for a little while he got to, because at one point in time, jerry and anne could actually stand to be in the same room. 

now, 11th grade has come around and anne and jerry don't speak. gilbert still has no clue why and doesn't want to ask jerry because he's always dodged the questions in the past. despite his best friend hating anne, gilbert couldn't help but admire the girl from afar. through all the years, she never lost that spark that made her so interesting from the start. 

6th grade is when gilbert started noticing changes, anne stopped coming to their saturday sleepovers, she stopped eating lunch with them in school, and then slowly, she even stopped passing notes to gilbert in science class. and now, it was like gilbert ceased to exist in anne's world. at least that's what gilbert thought. 

soon, gilbert was used to it. he fell into his own little world with jerry. it was them two against the world. at least that's how jerry put it. but he didn't mind, he loved that jerry was his only friend. he didn't need more than one, one friend for one gilbert. he didn't need anybody else.

until he realized that he did.

the first time in years that anne spoke to him was a night that changed everything once again. jerry had fallen asleep early and gilbert, being at his house more than his own felt comfortable, went downstairs to find something to eat before going to sleep. and there she was. her fiery red hair fell over her face as she wrote furiously at the kitchen table, a little lamp that was brought in from the living room sitting in front of her. 

and then she got up and started towards the fridge when she saw gilbert at the bottom of the steps. she proceeded to ignore him and continue to the fridge, so gilbert did the same. and when he went to go around her, she stood back up, closing the fridge, and running right into him. luckily, no one fell. but it startled them both, putting them in an uncomfortable position, face to face, only inches apart. "oh, i'm sorry." gilbert said, with his back up against the table. anne looked up at him and it looked almost as if she wanted to say something, but instead she backed up. 

she turned and sat back down at the table, pretending nothing had just happened. gilbert still stood there, confused. he broke out of it when he heard anne curse under her breath, "shit." and when he turned to see what was wrong, he could see that water bottle that she had just pulled from the fridge, was now covering her paper. he was quickly by her side, grabbing the water bottle and lamp. she picked up her notebook and ran to the counter, grabbing a paper towel.

when gilbert saw her trying to dry it, he ran upstairs and grabbed a towel out of the bathroom, and quickly made his way back. "here." he said soflty, "i got it." she said sternly, without looking up. she was rubbing the paper back and fourth, clearly doing it all wrong. "you're not supposed to rub." his voice stayed low and soft, like he was worried someone might be listening.

"what?"

"let me.." he didn't finishing, just slowly reached for the notebook that she let him take. he opened it up so the water could drip out a bit and then he sat it on the counter so it was flat. "dab it, so it won't smear." he started to dab it slowly, his eyes glancing over at anne who watched him intently.

"thank you. that's my english homework and i don't even want to know what mrs. march would've said if i didn't turn it in." she stated, once he was finished. "yeah, last year i was a day late turning in my homework because i had a doctors appointment and she gave me a d, just cause she could."

anne laughed, "sounds like her." then their eyes met and for a moment everything was going in slow motion for gilbert. it felt like he was lost in her eyes for hours, when in realty, it had only been a few seconds before anne quickly diminished the look and started cleaning up the water the still sat on the table. "uh thank you, again. but i should get back to work."

"anytime." he whispered, and went back up stairs, completely forgetting about the food he wanted. and also not noticing anne watching him leave, with an unreadable expression on her face.

——————-

THE NEXT MORNING IS when gilbert started noticing the change. while him and jerry were sitting at the table waiting for breakfast to be done, anne came downstairs. usually she waited until they were done or woke up early and ate before they did. but today she came down and sat right across from gilbert. "good morning, anne." their mother said, kissing her on the forehead. gilbert couldn't keep his eyes off of her, her hair was thrown into a bun but she had her glasses on and she was in the orange dress that she had gotten for easter last year, when gilbert's family had spent it with theirs. 

with the sunlight peaking through the curtains, gilbert could see the freckles dancing on her cheeks. jerry rolled his eyes and stood up, "come on, gilbert." 

"where are we going?"

"we're eating in my room."

and before gilbert could object, someone else already had. "no you most certainly will not. you will eat at the table as you do every other day."

"but anne—"

"'but anne' nothing. she doesn't eat in her room and neither will you."

gilbert had to hide the smile that crept onto his face. he loved jerry, he really did, but he wasn't just going to forget about the fact that he was once anne's friend too, and after last night it seemed as if anne might've remembered that too. because here she was. sitting right across from him. and as much as he didn't want to admit it, he hoped that it was because of him.

the entire breakfast was spent with the table, all except jerry, who just kept rolling his eyes and shoving eggs into his mouth, listening to anne tell the story of how she's applying for a college math class. gilbert knew exactly what class she was talking about, because he took it last semester. when they all finished, jerry stood up and grabbed gilbert's hand, forcefully pulling him away from the table and back up to his room. 

on his way up he could hear the conversation at the table still, "i'm glad you decided to join us today." her mother said to her, "yeah, i was just overly hungry today i guess." and when he turned to look back, she was already looking at him. 

——————

GILBERT AND JERRY BECAME friends when jerry still lived three streets over and lived with only his dad. in school, jerry used to get picked on because of his french accent, but gilbert never seen any of it. until the day he did.

he found jerry in a bathroom stall during lunch crying, gilbert has hugged plenty of people in his life, but never as tight and meaningful as the one he gave jerry baynard that day. the two boys were inseparable after day, and because of that, jerry never got picked on again. but how could he, gilbert would fight anyone who dared to. 

and over these past years, him and jerry became everything you could ever want in a friendship. they had inside jokes, traditions.. everything. and then anne came along and joined in all of those things. neither of them minded it though, yeah sometimes jerry and anne argued but is was more funny than anything. the three were glued together. especially for their saturday sleepovers at the blythe house. which is where they usually had them. 

or their tradition to go get milkshakes every time one of them passed a test, which was a lot because they also studied together all the time. 

it was hard watching one of your best friends drift away, and it was harder to watch the other one not seem to care at all. 

"is anne coming today?" 

"nope."

and the answer was just a normal answer, but it was the nonchalant-less of it all. jerry didn't give a wit wether anne was coming or not. for awhile it stressed gilbert out, not knowing what was going on. but after it being like this for so long, he went back to being used to just him and jerry. 

—————-

"WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW night, tell anne she's in charge." their mother said, pulling her bag out the door. "will do, ma." but gilbert knew better. jerry wasn't going to tell anne anything. 

"can i see your phone?" and that's how gilbert knew his plans. it might have just been him and jerry, but a party was a party and jerry knew that people would come. plus, he picked up on a few things over the past few years of going to some. 

then the party was going, anne had shut herself away in her room, obviously mad about the massive party underneath her, and gilbert sat in the living room, watching everyone around him. he hadn't even noticed how drunk jerry got until he passed out, and he was immediately by his side. after making everyone leave, he carried jerry upstairs, and put him into his bed. thank god, he didn't puke.

on his was back downstairs to clean up, he had noticed anne's door was open and then when he got downstairs he had seen why. she was already cleaning.

she was walking back into the living room when she accidentally knocked a cup off the coffee table, it spilling all over the carpet. then she noticed him coming back down, "you know, if you're going to throw a party in my house the least you could do is clean up. i mean seriously, you've been coming to our house for years, i didn't think you could be so disrespectful. i—"

"—i was putting your brother to bed, i was coming right back down." she just rolled her eyes and bent down, starting to scrub the spot where she had just spilled the drink. "dab it." 

next thing the two know they're cleaning the entire downstairs as fast as possible, working together. anne followed behind gilbert with a garbage bag as he picked up everything. then he held the spray bottle while she wiped down the tables. and they didn't stop until everything was spotless. 

"i guess we make a good team, huh?" gilbert asked, drying his hands. "yeah, i guess we do." and just like the other night, they were staring at each other again. except this time, they were only a few feet apart. anne broke the tension by jumping up off the couch, "i should probably head to bed." 

she turned to go up the steps but before she could even make it up one she felt a tug on her arm, and in a split second she was face to face with gilbert. she didn't know what he was doing but by the look on his face she could tell that he was making a decision.

and he was making a decision. one that would again, change everything. without thinking too long about it, he kissed her. and she kissed back. and gilbert felt his knees go weak. so he kissed harder, like he was desperate, like he was begging for more. 

and somehow in the middle of that, they ended up falling asleep on the couch, anne with her head on his chest and his arm around her.

——————-

JERRY WOKE WITH A pounding headache, immediately searching for gilbert, who was no where to be found. so he just assumed that he had left after the party. but when he walked out of his room to go get some water, he could hear talking from anne's room. his pounding head didn't make it any easier to figure who she was talking to.

so instead he walked down the hallway towards her door, opening it without thinking. and he could've swore that the two, who were now like 5 feet apart, were just kissing. and that they pulled apart when he opened the door, his head might've hurt but he wasn't blind. 

"what the-"

"jerry, get the hell out!" anne slammed the door in his face and he tumbled backwards, not knowing what to do expect stand there. there was no way gilbert was just kissing his sister, there was no way that his sister was just kissing his best fiend. there was no way.

—————-

GILBERT AND JERRY SAT on the sidewalk in front of his house, jerry couldn't even look at him, and gilbert fiddled with his fingers, not knowing what to do.

"why?" he asked simply. 

gilbert looked over at him about to say something, but jerry continued, "why her? you could've had anybody, gil." gilbert could see the tears in his eyes, and suddenly he felt like the worst person in the world. he hadn't meant to hurt jerry, he would never mean to hurt jerry.

"we were just— we were just talking and... and nothing else, we were just talking." he stuttered, not knowing what to say. he could feel the tears forming.

"talking? i don't think that's how you talk to someone, you guys were kissing." and gilbert's heart dropped, of course he knew that he had seen them, but he didn't mean for him to. he never meant for him to see any of that.

"i'm sorry." his voice cracked, and he almost couldn't hold back the tears threatening to fall, "i'm so sorry."

jerry's voice lowered down to a whisper, "you could've had anybody." then he got up and stormed back into the house, gilbert right behind him, not knowing what was happening. anne was in the kitchen, pouring orange juice into a cup, "seriously anne? i mean what's next? am i gonna be kicked out of the house?"

gilbert and anne both looked at him confusedly, "what are you talking about?" anne asked, putting the juice back into the fridge. 

"i'm talking about you and your need to have everything that's mine. you took my dad, you took my house, you took my friend once, and now you're trying to take him again. why can't you just get something of your own!?" jerry screamed, gilbert had never seen him so mad. but when the tears started falling, gilbert had realized that he wasn't mad. he was.. sad.

"i don't know what you're talking about." anne still looked confused.

"gilbert," he started, pointing at him, "was mine. he was my only friend, and you can't have him."

"he isn't some toy, jerry. you don't own him!"

jerry ignored her and continued, "you have everything, why do you need him? out of all people? you have your mom and MY dad. you get everything you want, you have everything handed to you. stop being selfish for once in your life."

"what are you talking about? you act like you didn't take my life away from me. we were fine until you flipped out, we were fine until you made me think i was ruining your life when i came to realize that i hadn't ruined anything. you were just a rude, selfish, spoiled little brat. you took everything from me, jerry. i had nothing." tears had start falling from her too, now.

gilbert was now more confused than ever, now what was anne talking about?

"what?" and gilbert realized jerry was confused now too.

"you told me that i was ruining your life by hanging out with you guys. that i was the reason gilbert wasn't hanging out with you as much. you made me feel like i had done something wrong. jerry, you kicked me out of my room because you wanted the bigger one, you made me get rid of my dog because he wouldn't sleep in your room with you. you broke almost every picture that we had up on the wall of my uncle matthew, who is dead and we just wanted some memory of him. but yes jerry, i ruined your life." she was full on sobbing.

"that is not what happened."

gilbert didn't feel comfortable listening to this argument, he didn't think that he was even supposed to hear any of that. especially because there where two sides to every story and he wouldn't have ever known which one to believe, so he slipped out of the door and quickly drove home, not knowing what to do or what just happened. all he could hope for was that he hadn't ruined everything.

———————

JERRY WAS AT HIS locker on monday when gilbert came up to him, this would be the first time they talked since saturday. gilbert could see the circles under his eyes like he hasn't been sleeping. "hey." he said quietly. jerry turned to look at him, a small smile on his face, "what happened to you saturday? you just disappeared."

"i left. that argument.. i don't think i should've even listened to as much as i did. it was none of my business."

"it was just anne whining about stupid girl problems, you should've stayed. you would've been there when one of the girls from the party called me, she and her friend want to go out with us. it'll get your head out of whatever you were thinking the other night with anne. you're too good for her." gilbert stomach dropped, he knew for a fact that he was not too good for anne. not his anne.

over the weekend his mind went in between the siblings, on one hand he would be thinking about anne. the way it felt to finally kiss her after all these years and to hold her so close to his body when they fell asleep on the couch. god, he knew it. he was falling in love with her. it had been boiling over the years, but that kiss, it confirmed everything for him. especially the fact that she had liked him back. 

on the other hand he was thinking about jerry. his bestfriend. the guy that has been there for him through everything. the one person in the world he felt so comfortable around that he could tell him anything. he was family, plain and simple. if soulmates existed, he knew for a fact that his was jerry baynard. there was no other way to put it. 

"what? no, i can't go on a date with someone else." he said, as if it were obvious. 

jerry furrowed his brows, "what? why not? i'm telling you anne is gonna turn out like every other girl at our school, it's bound to happen. she's gonna start dating around, and if you get involved with her she'll drop you for the next curly haired boy to show her some attention."

"anne's not like that, she wouldn't do that to me."

"i'm just looking out for you, gil."

"you clearly don't know anything about anne, because she just asked me out... and i said yes."

the color drained from jerry's face, "what? no, you can't. you can't have me and anne."

"why not? we did it before?"

"no, you can't have us both. it's either me or anne. you have to pick!"

"no i don't."

"you have too."

"no i don't, i'm not picking."

"it's me or her."

"i'm not picking!"

"do you want me or do you want her? why can't you just pick me?"

"that's not how it works, jerry. i'm not just gonna pick between you two."

"then i'll pick for you. i'm done. we're done." and then jerry walked away, leaving gilbert frozen. in that moment it felt like his heart was just torn. it physically hurt to watch jerry walk away from him with such anger. 

———————

JERRY WALKED HOME THAT day, and when he arrived home, anne was already there, sitting in the living room. "why didn't you ride home with us?" as in us, she meant her and their parents. 

"i walked."

"it's raining and you're soaked."  
  
"why do you care?" he shouted, throwing his wet book bag onto the ground and taking off his shoes. "why do you have to be like that, jerry?"

"be like what anne?"

"you're hopeless."

"and you're heartless."

"how?"

"i hope you have fun with gilbert on your date."

jerry was about to make his way upstairs when anne stood up from the couch, "what is wrong with you?"

he stopped in his tracks, "what is wrong with me? no what is wrong with you? you're taking the one thing that i have—"

"—he wouldn't be the only thing you have if you   
just— you know, never mind." she said, and he watched her walk out of the door. 

she walked until she came to the old football field, she was drenched and without a coat on, but she couldn't be in the house anymore. she couldn't argue with jerry anymore. so she sat on the bleachers until a car pulled up. out climbed gilbert blythe, being the hero, like always. he ran up to her, taking off his jacket and putting it over her. "what are you doing out here, anne?" when she didn't answer, he understood.

he picked her up and walked her back to his car. "how long were you sitting there?" 

"about an hour." she avoided his gaze, staring out the window. "i'm sorry." he said quietly, starting the car and turning the heat up all the way.

"what're you apologizing for?"

"you guys wouldn't be arguing so much if i just wouldn't have... if i just wouldn't have kissed you. i'm sorry."

"don't apologize, gilbert. in case you forgot, i kissed you back. i wanted it just as much as you did." when she finally looked over at him, he felt like he had forgotten how beautiful she was. he hair was tangled and wet and her mascara was dripping down her face, but even when she was upset, she had this glow. it radiated off of her like warmth. he leaned forward, as did she, but they didn't kiss. gilbert rested his forehead on hers and they closed their eyes. he caressed her cheek, "i should get you home before you get sick." she nodded, only opening her eyes when he pulled away.

when they pulled back up at anne's house, jerry was sitting on the porch, pacing. when he seen the car pull up, the worry drained out of him and was replaced with anger almost immediately.

gilbert went to get out of the car but anne stopped him, "let me go."

"let me explain to him, i don't need you two arguing right now." but anne stopped him. this time she said it more calmly but more stern, "let me go."

she took off his jacket and ran up to the porch, only to be met with an angry jerry. "great! you had me worried sick and here you've just been hanging with gilbert. jokes on me." he turned to go into the house but anne grabbed his arm. "no, you're not doing this again. you're not gonna get mad and then runaway like a child. you're going to talk to me." 

gilbert climbed out of the car, the rain had a slowed a bit so he just put his jacket over his head. he watched from a distance. 

"what would you possibly want to talk about? oh, do you wanna brag? go ahead, brag that you took one more thing away from. brag that you have the perfect life and the perfect people in it. go ahead, anne. tell me how i ruined your life." jerry snapped, but anne had enough of it. 

"perfect life? yes, because it's so perfect that my brother told me i was ruining his life because i supposedly take everything and it's perfect because i have to avoid breakfast at my own house because you don't want me there. i love it. i love my life. and you have it so bad, poor jerry.. no! you just push people away. you pushed me away, you pushed my mom away, you pushed my dog away, and now you're trying to push gilbert away because he's not listening to everything that you tell him to do." jerry's face morphed into something unreadable. so anne kept going.

"oh and it's so perfect having to give up so much for the brother who hates me for no reason. let's talk about how perfect it is that when my uncle died, i didn't get to say goodbye. and let's talk about how the one person who makes me feel like i can take a fucking breath, i can't have without completely... destroying you." she finally calmed down and it was silent for a few seconds. and then she spoke again, except it was low and drained of all energy. "so you're right. my life's a blast. i win."

jerry didn't say a word. and anne couldn't read his face, so she wiped her tears and walked back over to gilbert. he immediately grabbed her and pulled her into his chest hugging tightly. he wrapped the jacket back around her and put her back into the car. before getting back in though, he took one last look at jerry, who was still standing there watching them. he would have to talk to him, but just not right now. and anne needed a break from all the arguing, so the only place to go was gilbert's house.

——————

GILBERT WAS SOMEONE who loved and loved deeply, he would do just about anything for the people he loved. except if that meant hurting someone else that he loved. and when jerry was trying to make him pick, he really wasn't giving him a choice.

why can't you just pick me.

anne never asked him to pick, she knew that jerry was his best fiend, she knew that no matter what jerry would always be someone to gilbert. and if anything, she would've let him go back to jerry. and just jerry. even if it broke her heart. she would've let gilbert choose jerry.

he started to remember things with jerry. he remembered the hug. how tight is was and how it seemed to soothe jerry and calm him down. 

he remembered jerry showing up at his house at midnight on his birthday with a few new books he's been wanting, the skateboard he was saving up for, and a pint of ice cream.

he remembered saturday sleepovers and how much fun they always had.

he remembered trying to teach jerry how to ride the skateboard and almost breaking his wrist. and he remembered staying at the hospital with him until he was ready to go home and going to every doctors appointment, even if that meant waiting in the lobby.

he remembered when jerry got to go on vacation with his family up to their cabin, and they went skiing for the weekend. 

he remembered jerry always coming to him first with anything and everything.

he wasn't ready to let any of that go yet. he wasn't ready to let jerry go.

but he wasn't going to pick.

——————-

A FEW DAYS LATER gilbert finally had the courage to go to anne's house instead of the two being stuck in his. that morning anne said she was going to make her famous pancakes and now they were waiting for them to be done. jerry had come downstairs looking really nice, he stopped once he seen gilbert. "uh.. can i talk to you?"

gilbert looked at anne and then back at jerry, he nodded. they walked into the living room and stood there for a minute before jerry spoke up. "i'm sorry." he said quietly.

"i've been the worst friend. i should've never asked you to pick, i should've... i should've let you be happy." gilbert wanted to cry if he was being honest, but he wasn't going to. instead, he took a step forward and hugged him. and maybe the one when they first met was the tightest, but it wasn't anymore. gilbert hugged him and jerry hugged back, making it ten times tighter. "i understand that you were just hurt. i should've talked to you about it, instead of just announcing it."

when they pulled apart jerry said, "no that's the thing, you should just be able to announce things and me be instantly happy for you. i don't deserve you or your forgiveness, but i just needed you to know that i'm so sorry." 

"i want to go back to the way we used to be, but it can't. cause it's not just you and me anymore, and—"

"—i know. it's okay. as long as you're in my life, you, anne... and diana." he said slowly, not really sure how to tell gilbert that he might just have a girlfriend. the one from the party. "diana?"

"another time." he was about to leave before he remembered something, "and i'm really happy for you and anne. i think she's good for you. she's going to get you out of your shell." gilbert was shocked but he smiled anyways, then jerry turned to anne. "i want you back into my life, too." he said softly. "i never left." jerry smiled and went to leave again, and then he remembered one more thing. he looked at gilbert, "can... can i call you later?"

"yeah." he said gently, with hopeful eyes.

then he was gone, "that went well." anne said, sitting the plate of pancakes on the table and wrapping her arms around gilbert from behind. "yeah.. i missed him."


End file.
